It’s been almost a year since I boarded a train with two suitcases and a backpack, knowing where I was headed but not necessarily where I would go. I knew I was about to spend my summer in New York City, intensely studying acting for ten weeks. I didn’t know if I had enough money, if I’d make any friends, or if I’d comprehend or succeed in what I was about to learn. People told me I was brave for going when, at the time, I didn’t quite understand what they meant. I knew what I was going to be doing and I figured I would have a hell of time in my favorite city. Only looking back now do I realize the uncertainties I faced by taking that leap.

And that was just the start.

I’ve blogged about this before; last summer was the start of a way of life for me, a new way of thinking. It was a character change. I learned courage and bravery, and that I’ll never be satisfied if I don’t try; I would never know what to expect otherwise. After my summer away, I came home for a bit before leaping further out and studying abroad for a semester in England. Again, I didn’t really know what to expect - would I make friends, get homesick, pass my classes? (All of the above, it turns out.)

My point is, I’ve done things I can be proud of. I’ve put trust in myself and let it take me where I’ve desired to go, and with that trust I’ve succeeded. I’ve also put my heart out there. I knew that there was a chance in both situations that I would make friends and fall in love with my environment, and break my own heart upon leaving. What keeps me at peace now is knowing that my possibilities are limitless. I can turn my want into motivation and get to where I want to be, whatever makes me happiest.

Sunday I’ll be back in New York for a brief encounter on my way back to a visit to England. It’s funny to think that I’ve adjusted back to life in Youngstown and school so well that I am temporarily leaving my ‘home’ to go to New York, which will then feel like ‘home,’ and then arrive in England, yet another ‘home.’ Sometimes it feels like a curse to have so many places feel like home; it’s confusing and can mess with your heart. I’m looking at it as a blessing instead. I’m lucky to have adapted to beautiful places with beautiful people that I love that make me always feel like I belong. My home is wherever my heart belongs, and sometimes that’s two or three places at once. It’ll be hard to enjoy one home while missing things - or people - from another, but the best I can do is enjoy the one I’m in and keep the others in my heart. If home is where the heart is, then my home is forever scattered amongst the people and places that I love and treasure dearly. And I’ll keep embracing that.